An Open Letter to a Birth Mother

It’s not that I can imagine how you feel right now…I know exactly! I also know that there is nothing I can say to make you feel better, but I’m hoping to ease your heart a little.

I found out at 8 weeks that I was pregnant and right away, the father said he wanted nothing to do with it or me. I was so alone. I also knew that I could not raise this baby on my own, so I sought out ways to do the single hardest thing I have ever done. I knew it would change my life forever.

I spent many hours on the computer and making calls to adoption agencies. After about 10 calls, I was starting to wonder if this was the right decision. Then I found Family to Family. And that is exactly what they have been to me…family…and not only that, they helped me to make a new family…

After meeting my adoptive parents, Mark and Aimee, I fell in love. This is when I really started to see the blessing in this process. It is amazing to watch something that started out to be so hopeless in my eyes, turn into hope in someone else. Mark and Aimee can not have children and if I have ever met two people who deserve children the most, it was them. Mark and Aimee and I spent 5 months getting to know each other. They really showed me how much they not only loved my little boy, but how much they loved me. When I was having days where I didn’t think I could do this, I could call Mark and Aimee and they would cry with me. When I had a craving, they solved it or when I was feeling discomfort from being pregnant, they would let me complain. I guess the biggest thing is… I didn’t feel alone anymore.

I also know your biggest fear…because it was also mine: That you will have this baby, someone will take it away and you will be forgotten. Well neither of us could be more wrong. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on February 19, 2007. He was 6lbs 11 ounces and 19 inches long. Mark, Aimee and Alice, the coordinator from Family to Family, were all with me. I made the decision to see him. This decision is 100% up to you. He one thing I can say is you will end up regretting it if you don’t. We stayed in the hospital for 2 days. I spent time with them, the baby and their family. Everyone was so wonderful…the ladies at the agency came to visit us and hold the baby. I remember Mark running to get me food, coffee and sneaking me out for cigarettes. Not only was my adoptive family wonderful, the hospital staff as well as the doctor were all so wonderful and understanding.

After we left the hospital, we all met up at the agency so everyone could see and hold the baby. Watching Mark and Aimee leave with Matthew and go home was the hardest thing I have ever done. I lost it and everybody at the agency was there for me. I’m not going to lie and tell you it does not hurt or it’s easy! I knew it was the best thing for everyone. I signed the papers that night and was given the option to tell Mark and Aimee myself that Matthew was now legally theirs. Mark started to cry so hard, he couldn’t talk and it was then I realized I had given them the world…and to be honest…I felt really good about myself…and then a peacefulness settled over me. I know the battle is not over, bur I have begun the road to healing.

Mark and Aimee still call me every day to check on me and when I was having a rough day, Maxine, the director, was there in 10 minutes to help me through it. I’m now getting ready to leave and go back home. Family to Family has done so much to make sure that when I leave here I have the tools to be successful. I know I have said a lot, but I hope this help you in making your decision. I or my 3 ½ year old son never had to need or want for anything here and when you talk to the agency and they tell you they care…they really do.

I would not go back and change anything I have done. Good Luck to you and all birth mothers are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Shelby

March 13, 2007

Hey, this is Tasha, of course. I know you all have not heard from me in a while. Well, I’m doing pretty well. I’m on spring break right now. My classes are going great and I am back on track. I actually miss being down there. Everybody was so nice to me. You all helped in every way possible and took real good care of me. The funny thing about that is I was not used to all of the attention because I try to do everything myself. I know one thing though: I would not have made it if it was not for everyone’ help. Thank you so very much and I am forever grateful to each and every one of you.

God bless you and thanks again. I love ya’ll.

Sincerely,
Tasha
I was not being judged for the reasons I placed my son…

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Dear Family to Family Inc.

My name is Jennifer Bergerson. I went through your agency to place my son for adoption. I wanted to send a letter of gratitude to you and all your staff for making the experience a good one. I felt as if I was not being judged for my reasons why I placed my son…most of all, I am very grateful for the help with fixing my teeth. I will always be in debt to you all for the very help that I received too a lot of the pain I had been going through away…Through the centuries, it has been said that God sends angels to us when we need them. I like to think that you and your staff were sent to light the path for these women who may not know how to deal with the situation and to allow those who are without children, the chance to become parents for the first time.

The whole experience was a good one and I would recommend more birth mother to you all just for the fact that I felt as if my case mattered just as much as everyone else’s did. Your staff always listened and calmed my fears when I needed someone nto talk to and I thank you all for that is sometimes the best medicine for a heart that is breaking. I felt confident that the parents I chose had been screened properly by your staff and I felt at ease with my decision to place my son.

I wish all your staff many wondrous years to come with countless blessings. It takes a truly special set of people to deal with this matter on a daily basis. I hope that in some way this letter managed to show my eternal thanks to all of you. May God bless you and all yours’. Psalms 91:11-131.

Sincerely,
Jennifer

March 23, 2007

We are still struggling, but Family to Family has been there for us…

We found Family to Family through a mutual friend and former birth mother. She encouraged me to call them because I was considering adoption. I spoke to Maxine on the telephone and she was so nice. She picked us and our son up at the airport and explained the way the agency worked detail by detail. We were assigned a beautiful apartment with a fitness center and swimming pool. We were given a budget for groceries and other necessities as well as a clothing allowance and clothing vouchers. My boyfriend and I were given counseling on parenting techniques to use with our son, marital counseling as well as counseling before and after the birth of our son. Maxine was always available for individual counseling anytime we needed or wanted it.

We chose a wonderful family, got an opportunity to really know them and they wer here at the time of the baby’s birth. Our adoption is completely open with visitation and this was important to us. We get pictures and letters of update about our baby and our adoptive family kept a 1-800 number for us to call. During our time here, we were given the opportunity to get a high school diploma, a job and to begin our life over. Family to Family provided us with a generous aftercare allowance to help us get reestablished in an apartment in our home town. Three years after placement, we are still struggling with life, but Maxine and Family to Family have always been there for us with advice, moral support and their love.

We would recommend Family to Family for anyone wanting to better themselves and make sure their child has a wonderful family.

Christina and Cody

A Mother’s Pain

Her heart knows what is best for the tiny life growing inside her womb. No matter what the world thinks of her decision, she has to follow what is best for her son who is yet to breathe his first breath. She will never be there to see his first step or hear his first word, but she feels that the people who will stand in her place will cherish each thing her son does.

They will be there when he scrapes his knee or hits his first home run or to help him through his first broken heart. Her tears are not forsaken for they too understand just how much it breaks her heart to hand her son over knowing she has not the ability or finances to care for his new little angel she spent nine months caring for, feeling him move and knowing that the lump in her throat grows larger the closer to her due date that her body gets.

Her own life becomes an open book for she understands just how much her little baby boy will want to know and she feels that she wants him to know she did this out of complete love for him and not that she did not want to raise him. Her heart will always have a piece with him and with all that he may do, she will always love him and wonder if the little boy she sees in the store is her son or if he may be that one that is going to be the doctor that finds the cure for cancer or will he be the next sports star, but no matter what he will be she will always love him….

A mother’s pain, the hole in her heart that will never be filled for she followed her heart and did what her son needed…she gave him a loving caring home and still will love him forever for I love you my little angel boy…Gavin James

Love always and forever,
“Mommy”
Jennifer March 2007.

I would like to thank you all for your generosity, attentiveness and help through the hardest time in my young life. If it would not have been for your amazing adoption program I do not know if I could have made my dream for my son to have a better life come true. Each of you hold a special place in my heart.

You treated me with more respect and kindness than I ever expected. I hope all your dreams for the agency come true; not just for you, but for all the women who find themselves in a predicament and need a program like yours. I wish you luck in all your future endeavors and I hope to stay in contact with everyone over the years. Thanks again.

Karen

I called Family to Family in July and they sent me a packet explaining the process. So my 3 year old son and I went to Texas in August. I was worried and scared and did not want to leave my family, but they told me on the phone I would have a place to live and would be taken care of. They were so right. I received food stamps and a gift card every Friday for whatever my son and I wanted or needed. They took me to the store and every single doctor appointment. When they say "Family to Family" they really mean it and show it. My son and I both were very well taken care of. I got very close to many of them, but I have to admit Belinda was my favorite. She is and always will be very special to me and my son. She took me to the hospital and was there to hold my hand when I had the baby. It was very hard to leave my new friends and family away from home. I'm very glad I chose Family to Family to place my baby.

Kiya

When I first found out I was pregnant, I thought my life was finally coming together. Then, it fell apart. I lost everything - my home, my family and I was without a job. The baby's father wanted nothing to do with me. I was scared and felt I had nowhere to turn.

I talked to the women in your office and was told that they would take care of me throughout the pregnancy and afterwards. This sounded like a good place to go and would give me a chance to work on myself and figure out what I wanted from life.

When I came to Family to Family, they gave me a beautifully furnished apartment, provided me with transportation, job leads and medical assistance. They were also there when I needed someone to talk to.

The ladies at Family to Family treated me like a real woman with real feelings, and it changed my life forever.

T.F.

I would like to thank everyone at Family to Family for your kindness and support. Thank you for helping me find a great family so I can give them the greatest gift of all - something they both wanted for a long time. I cannot thank you enough for everything you people have done for me. Thank you all!

Andrea

You're the kind of friend God sends to remind us His love is everywhere. Thanks for being so thoughtful. You gals really made me and my family very happy and welcomed.

Brandy

11/14/2007

My name is Jessica. Four years ago I got pregnant, but my boyfriend and I had crap jobs and no way to take care of a baby. Then, he called me up and dumped me! I searched on the internet for adoption laws, families searching for babies, agencies, you name it- and I came up with Family to Family. I picked them because I was very scared and out of a few agencies I called, they called me right back and explained how everything worked, right away.

The ladies at the agency were ridiculously helpful and nice. They drove out into rural East Texas to pick me up. They put me in a nice clean apartment on a golf course and next to a library- and the way my life was at the time, that was huge, not having to worry about paying the light bill or for groceries- and drove me everywhere I needed to go. I saw a doctor who was respectful and really open with my questions and ideas about my pregnancy and how the birth should go. At the end, which you may not be ready to think about yet, one of the women that I liked the best was there for my delivery. These are all things that Family to Family provides for any young woman who needs it; I don’t know whether you will need this help or not. But whether you do or you don’t, you won’t be judged, or questioned very much, or made to feel uncomfortable at all. They were always there for any problems.

For the most part, that period in my life is over with. I placed my baby with a family that I loved (you get to pick! It helps with the stress and worry so much.) Even better, though, is the fact that you continue to get help after delivery, if you keep your life on track… I decided to go back to school two years ago (dropped out of college the first time around.) While still pregnant, I had learned about an educational fund that the agency had set up for biological mothers who had placed their babies for adoption. For me, it was very easy to apply; Family to Family had my paperwork, and I don’t do drugs or get in trouble with the law. That is really it- you get accepted to a school, show what courses you are taking, and you get a stipend to help with school expenses. It helps a LOT when you are paying community college tuition out of your pocket, like I am! I am going part time for four years, to be a Registered Nurse. I’m half done, and so far no student loans because of the stipend.

That is about it. If you’ve decided to let a family who wants to love a baby of their own and can’t raise yours, Family to Family will help you a lot. I’m sure there are other great agencies and people out there, but I really can’t come up with anything else that could have made that time any easier.